if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
