it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
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It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
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How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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