I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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