The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
