I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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