Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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