WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Alive.
So much puke
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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