we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
