what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
