U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm at about main and main street
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
