I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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