It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
