And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
