I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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