last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
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Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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