I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
