He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
