I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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