his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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