I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
