i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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