I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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