she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
