I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
