I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
