just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
