I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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