How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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