I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
