Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
