My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
