I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
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You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You pole danced in your parka.
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Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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