I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
did i walk over a car last night?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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