Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think people are normalizing furries
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
