My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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