I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
