How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
