Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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