Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
