i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
