Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
