i think my tv is drunk
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
