I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
