Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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