It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my shit smells like andre
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
