I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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