I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
