this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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