A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
