i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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