Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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