sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
