I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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