He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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