It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize