The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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