so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
