So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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