Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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