On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Say something about gay babies.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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