You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
